Let's assume you got bopped on the head last October, and were knocked out through all of the launch madness, PS3 sales woes and violence, and generally had no idea what was up with the "next-gen" wars these days. Chances are, you'd think the PS3 would be ruling the world by now, the Wii would be a child's toy, and the 360 would still be losing money for Microsoft.

And you'd be surprised. Why? Well, here you go Rip Van Winkle: an excellent summary of the Wii's success and Nintendo's business brilliance from CNN. A truly excellent read, going very in-depth as to how Nintendo made 3rd place a gold medal, and have managed to remain literally oozing with Yen.

Also you'd probably be frustrated that you wouldn't be able to buy one immediately (though you'd undoubtedly be confused as to why you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a pile of PS3 units for sale). Don't worry: Nintendo is promising to make that problem go away soon. We'll see.

Images taken from a Portuguese gaming magazine, which should be referred to as the Sega Fanboy Droolcatcher from now on.

This will be one to watch - could be a real triumphant kickoff to Sega's Wii series (since Sonic shit the bed; trust me, the game is waaaay worse than this lukewarm review makes it sound).

Even though I'm nowhere near beating expert mode on GHII, it's nice to know that III is coming down the pipe, according to this snippet on Joystiq. To learn more about the emerging battle-of-the-band-sims, there's a solid interview with the Guitar Hero team here, with plenty of bits worth pondering as we wonder if EA and MTV's Rock Band will dethrone the current king and sequel-to-king.

I'm just happy I can play the bass part in John the Fisherman. Claypool, I'm comin' for ya.

Man, crazy. Check out the latest batch of sales date from NPD.

In consoles, the DS remains the insane money-printer its always been, but the PS2 is still cleaning the console house, much like they did during last holiday season. Here things are for now, but it'll be interesting to see what happens next month since folks are chomping at the bit for the 360 Elite:

1. Nintendo DS - 508,000
2. PlayStation 2 - 280,000
3. Wii - 259,000
4. Xbox 360 - 199,000
5. PSP - 180,000
6. Game Boy Advance SP - 148,000
7. PlayStation 3 - 130,000

See that waaaaay down at the bottom? Yep. That's the PS3, clocking in behind the GBA with sales. Despite ditching the console no one was buying and downsizing like crazy... they're still really, really lagging. At least they've still got some loyal retards out there that will always represent the "triple" (seriously, this kid is retarded, not to mention a suburban turd that is going to get ripped in half next time he goes downtown).

On the games front, Top 5 style:

1. (PS2) God of War 2 - 833,000
2. (Xbox 360) Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter 394,000
3. (Xbox 360) Guitar Hero II - 291,000
4. (Wii) Wii Play - 273,000
5. (PS3) Motorstorm - 199,000

The PS3 barely makes the list, just eeking out Diddy Kong racing (DS) by 10,000 units. Ouch. Note that Wii software sales have slumped a bit (where them games at Reggie?), but it's still pretty silly that Wii Play, a collection of minigames with a free controller, still beats any PS3 title.

But anyhow, it confirms that God of War II is being received as the kick-ass game I found it to be, and gettin' grabbed hand over fist by the loyal PS2 ownership.

Seriously, between Guitar Hero II in HD on the PS2 and God of War II, who needs the PS3?

So despite Namco trying to keep a lid on it, the rumors are flying, and it looks very possible that Katamari and my Wii will unite in what could be the perfect union of the two most happy-inducing electronic gizmo-softs in the history of the world. I predict total world peace, if they ever manufacture enough Wii consoles to get to everyone in the world (or any town/city to start with).

UPDATE: It's official for Xbox 360 and PS3, but still TBA for Wii, almost certainly due to control issues and having to re-write the control scheme from dual analog sticks to Wiimote. But I'm still hopeful. Or perhaps this'll be my reason to pick up a 360 (in addition to the pile of other good reasons to get one... the 360 is totally spanking in the HD gaming wars, as much as I hate to see Micro$oft win and Sony fail, the 360 is a hell of a console when it works).

I know what you're thinking. You're all "but wait, I beat the hell outta that game, and Link never laid one on Ilia, so what the eff?"

And you would be right. He didn't. However, a bunch of folks managed to rip all the 3D models out of the game, and have been monkeying with them to create new scenes. It's all G-rated, for now. Fortunately. Let's hope it stays decent.

It's been a fairly predictable couple of weeks in the next-gen horserace. The happy news for Sony was that their UK PS3 went off without a single murder or riot, and shattered sales records... right before dropping like a stone. So what gives there? Well, everyone that wanted one went out and bought them at the same time, which then left a country full of the rest of folks who, like most in the USA, Japan, etc., could care less about owning one. Poor Sony. At least they're winning the format war, sorta.

So what's Sony's take on this? As usual, the numbers clearly have no significance. "Meaningless," they've called it. Um, well, actually, no. You have to sell consoles, not disinformation.

Meanwhile, Nintendo is installing special showerheads that will spray their board members with a constant stream of Yen! The DS has sold a greater number of units than bagels that have been sold in NYC since the dawn of time, and the Wii is still a pretty tough item to find anywhere.

What's up on the Micro$oft front? Well, they're seriously not happy about the Xbox 360 Elite story leak, which baffles me somewhat. I mean, every company (Apple, for one), wants to completely blow the doors off the world with every shocking new release, but in the VG industry where people are constantly buying new hardware, software, and accessories, it's a very good thing to know what's coming down the line. They seemed pretty grumpy about it though:

"For the Elite, for example, people were talking about the functionality and had pictures and all this stuff, but they didn't have the full story. They didn't know the price, they didn't know the accessories, they didn't know additional information that really puts a lot of context and a lot of information behind it..."

But so what? We've got all the facts now. They just seemed a little put off about getting their secret let out.

Check out this AMAZING Wii case mod that sold for $1,276. Damn you eBay! Damn you lack of $1,276!

(in case the auction page ain't there no more, here's another shot)

Man, that is really, really hot. Such dedication!

Things appear to be changing in the next-gen who's-bought-and-plays-what arena. First off, take a look at these polls from Joystiq, as they appear to indicate what we'd expect over here: most people play/own a 360, but those who have a Wii play it as much as the 360'ers, and not too many people either own or play a PS3 (ouch).

But wait! What's this over here? PS3 is suddenly leapfrogging up the charts? Could it be due to a slightly surprising early victory in the format war? But that's just Japan, so what about the US?

Well, as the stat-crunchers over at 1up have discovered, the PS3 is actually on par with where the 360 was back in a similar point on its respective timeline. Given the heavy financial damage that a PS3 will do to your wallet, this is a pretty good stat, but also remember that while PS3's are (intentionally? yeah right...) in ample supply, it was gonzo-tough to get a 360 this close to launch (similar to Wii availability now). So perhaps it's not that good news...

And just when Sony though it was beginning to gain ground, take a look at what's coming screaming around the corner:

The brand new, one-uppified Xbox "Elite!"

This is what I was waiting for before buying my 360 - a workable hard drive size (120 gigs!), better HD out, and most importantly, a 65 nanometer CPU chip, which will help this red-ring-of-death prone console run quieter, cooler, and hopefully for longer.

And it's in black. Neato.

So the toss up continues: Wii is in self-imposed games-famine mode, PS3 is starting to gain momentum, the Xbox 360 is performing as solidly as ever, but will soon see a hardware boost that will put it technically within striking range of the PS3's storage and media handling capabilities (now it just needs WiFi and a Blu-Ray...).